My Undoing Of 2017
letting go of the old and loving the new
I worked through the dresser drawers of worn out t-shirts and shorts of summers past. It’s time for a changing of the guard. No, it’s still winter here… but we’re passing on our bedroom suite to Kaitlyn and Eric for their new home. As I worked my way through the jeans kept for “when” I’d return to my smaller days, the pain of comparison began to surface. I was doing ok until I hit the back corner of the closet – that was my undoing of 2017.
Out With The Old
I grabbed the group of hangers holding up the plastic protected outfits. One by one I began pulling out suits, pencil skirts, slacks, and blouses from a time that feels like a dream. Forget the fact they were all 4 sizes too small (I’ll save those thoughts for another blog). The reality was, no one connected to me today even knows the powerhouse that wore those clothes. What had happened to her?
As each hanger was relieved of its duty, the tears just streamed down my cheeks. Where did she go? God, what happened to her? The woman who stood in that closet was nothing like the woman who wore those clothes. In some way that is a good thing. Nevertheless, I mourned her like she died yesterday but she didn’t. She hung up her suits 10 or so years ago. She traded them in for sweatpants, hair clips, t-shirts and blue jeans so she could be a full-time homeschooling mom.
Time To Say Goodbye
There I was in a heap of clothing and God was going deep. He was closing the door to an era of my life. It wasn’t but two short months ago I came charging back onto the blog-sphere and social media world with a series called Becoming Me. God had spent 2016 setting me free from some nasty bondage. Standing in that closet tossing those clothes was my final goodbye.
I have no idea why I got so emotional. Hormones maybe? Perhaps it’s all the changes like Kaitlyn getting married and Joshua starting college. Either way those clothes held some fantastic memories of a decade far better than the one I have been living in the past 7 years. Just to be gut-level honest, friend, my forties have sucked.
In With The New
Then God began to whisper, the memories of those clothes don’t hold your identity. Softly He said, you wore them in Egypt, where I am taking you is the promised land. My friend would say I was having a longing for Egypt moment. I don’t want to go back to Egypt, I want the freedom and promises of God. But I couldn’t shake the grief as I pitched those mini-me clothes into a pile on the floor. But it was time…
- To release how I used to look.
- To release what I used to do.
- To release who I used to be.
Because that’s not who I am. God is taking me somewhere completely new and different. One where His identity will shine fare brighter than mine. Now it was time…
- To embrace how I look today.
- To embrace what I do today.
- To fully embrace who I am today.
It’s easy to say we’re going to accept ourselves for who we are, and it’s another thing to live it out. Somedays it’s hard to embrace the four sizes bigger than we once were. Or the lack of purpose that we might find ourselves struggling with. Can you feel me friend? I bet you can.
My moment in the the closet reminded me of four things.
1. My identity is in Christ, not my clothes, my title, size, or the position I once held.
2. I can love myself. Even if I don’t love how I look or what I am doing.
3. Memories are deceiving. If my life was so perfect in Egypt then why did I need a deliverer?
4. God is far from finished with me. I am, and forever will be, a work in progress. So I need to be kind to my soul.
Friend, I now see that in order for God to guide us where He wants us, we must allow Him to undo what’s not of Him. This may include sealing off some chapters. Probably facing some enemies, and most likely purging the past. All to make room for the more you and I have been asking for.
Keep up the journey my friend,
Am I the only one? Or is God asking you to let go of something, too? Join me in the comments below and share your journey with me. Also join me on Monday for Mentor Monday in our Remade Community Group at 1 p.m. PST for a Live Chat where I dive deeper into this topic.